I feel as though I have been faced with a conundrum lately and it has to do with having children.
It’s strange really. When I was young, my mother struggled as a single mother, like so many do. But, she was an amazing mother who did her best to send me to private schools when she could, even if it meant living in a smaller house than needed. She made the ultimate sacrifices for me, one being her freedom. I am forever indebted to her.
I can recall a time when she told me, “Please don’t have children until you’re at least 24.” I remember arguing with her saying that I would have kids whenever I wanted, being a little shit teenager. 24 seemed so far away. Though I gave her grief, I listened. I am 30 now. I always said that I would wait, until the right time, the right man, the right age and the right career. Now, my mother asks me, “So, when are you going to have children?” Ironic.
Well, I’m not sure that I want kids now. I love kids, I love them with all of my heart. It is such an amazing thing to be able to create life, to grow a human in your belly and birth it. Watching a child grow and morph into their own personality is so special. As special as it is, I have other plans. I feel that with the career I choose, I can not have kids, at least not right now. I want to be a well known journalist and I can not have children until I have accomplished that goal. In this career, you are on the road for 3-6 months out of the year (where are my stay-at- home dads??). I have worked for almost a decade on figuring out my path and vision as a photographer, I can not give up now. I can taste it and smell how close it is.
As everyone around me is married or getting married and have children, I wonder, “Will I get to old to have kids and then not be able to? Will I regret it?”. I have had many woman tell me I am selfish for not wanting bear children when so many women can’t. Well, I also think that there are so many children out there that are born without the love that I could give them. Why is it selfish to not want to have children? Is it our human innate instinct to procreate that makes us feel so strongly about it? I think that it is selfish knock adopting as an option because it won’t carry your seed down.
Whew, I feel better already, getting this off of my chest. With this day in time, our world is a different one. Women are working women. We have careers and we share responsibilities at home with our partners; a lot are no longer cooking and cleaning every day for the male counterpart. And I in no way think that a stay at home mother is any less. Being a mother is a full-time job and one of the hardest jobs. I respect it. But I have created my own path.
So for all of my women who are waiting or still deciding whether children are for you, don’t feel selfish. Embrace your freedom and your careers and push yourselves to the limits. Use this opportunity to be the best at what you do, as you can be. Devote your time to the community and things bigger than you are. Watch your friend’s children to give them a break and to get your kid fix because they truly are amazing and special.
Until next time. Kidless for now,